Hi, my sweet boy. Yesterday was such a productive day working on content for you and YDA. The colors and overall layout had to change because of good ‘ol mobile. The vintage graphics were absolutely beautiful but the UX on mobile was shit. I shared your first letter with Kristen and I’m so glad I did because I got to look at it as a user and discovered we needed to change gears. Because the graphics were full page each, they tremendously shrunk on mobile so you had to pinch and zoom and move and ew, as if. I repurposed a YDA thought leadership template which makes such a difference when reading the main copy and no pinch and zoom. 

I also changed the pallette to align with YDA colors instead of adding a new one in the mix. I think this looks so much better because it’s a teal for you, my boy, and it’s a brand color + Japan font + light grey. All YDA-branded! I’m just missing my baby, ugh. But, I’ve updated all 17 drafted posts + featured images so none of yesterday’s work was “wasted,” it was all part of the bigger content strategy without even knowing. YOU did that, my sweet boy! 

My breakdowns have been less frequent and I have this combo of guilt because of that, still mixed with missing your sweet presence, our habits, our time together – you name it. It’s just so damn difficult, like – how do you make such a drastic life change after nearly 20 years? Not boozing has been way easier than mourning your loss. I just don’t know how to navigate this – talk about unchartered territory. 

D – wow, the enhancements to your graphics, template and hub look soooo fucking good! I am so fucking proud! This is for you, my sweet boy. A way to honor you and your sweet lil soul. A place for me to come and do that while expressing myself creatively. The love I gave you for nearly 20 years is the love I’m pouring into this project and the YDA content pipeline. YOU are the inspiration behind all of this! You were the inspiration for updating LinkedIn with a total overhaul last weekend. I updated profile pics and social headers because of you. I was so productive when you were here but I’m also getting things done that needed to get done, so thank you for that too. 

It’s sadly become real now that you’re not coming back. And fuck that hurts, but I’m not breaking down every second, which is progress. It just feels weird – all of it, even saying it. Liz text me earlier saying they miss seeing us out during walks when they’re coming and going. Her daughters asked if we could all go to lunch and I think that’s just so sweet and thoughtful. Those girls loved you, so did Izzy. EVERYONE loved you, D! It’s amazing how many lives you’ve touched over the years and how many more to come once I start sharing these love letters. I hope you can feel all this love all the way to heaven! I miss you. 

All of this creativity you’ve inspired has been dubbed “The D Effect!” Basically, your inspo has the midas touch and anything you influence turns to magic. Such a sweet boy! You were always such a good boy, D. You still are – resting peacefully, I hope. I know I’ve been wanting to step up my journaling and you’re certainly helping with that too because now I’m writing to you throughout the day. But it’s just not the same. This is really helping me cope, so thank you. I love you. 

Oh, had a Halloween marathon all Halloween weekend with Dr. Loomis, Laurie Strode, “oh Paul, no keys, but please,” and “totally!” One, two, four, five, H20, Halloween Ends, Kills, and a couple of the Rob Zombie versions lol. But definitely wasn’t the same without you. 

I just had another breakdown. I swear, anytime I spend some time away “from you” (writing to you) I get in my head and just feel crushed by your absence. After talking to you and telling you I love you a million times a day, literally, this transition is extra hard. And this weather, this breeze, oh D – you’d love the wind in your face. In my special voice to you that says, “the breeze feels nice.” Oh, my sweet boy.